she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize