That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
