How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
