boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
