i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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