I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
