i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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