why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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