I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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