I am puke
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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