the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
