It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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