i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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