What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
