we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
