So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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