omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
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