her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
