i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
