defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
