I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
