A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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