I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
