my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
