how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
