Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
