He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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