So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
