once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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