Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
