I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
