I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
