I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
