Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
