we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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