Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
