At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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