Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
