Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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