I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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