Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
