FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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