I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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