I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
