At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
