What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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