Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
