why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
