Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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