last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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