he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
