Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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