You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
