my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
