You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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