i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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