Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize