currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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