HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Damn victory sex feels great
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
