nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
