Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
