So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
