Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
