hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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