Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
