I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
