i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
